My first feeling after looking at him was that he seems to be very "gullible". Second feeling was that he is very emotional and third one was that he is "hot". This guy can die for his love. How many women see such a specimen in real life? I saw one! I was overjoyed and overwhelmed. Why is he so non-famous? He can move mountains with his one hand. For everyone who is wondering about the profession of this guy; all I can reveal is that he is a public figure. This cute guy has puppy looks and most determined face. I was already flipped the time I saw him. But I was not in love, I know that well, because I am in it at present. He made me fall in love. All the while when my thoughts ran across my mind, as I blushed. He was looking at me. There was confidence, courage, ambition, passion, determination packed with sexiness in his looks.
I was in a cab as he drove his car close to my cab. Moving from one side to another on one of the main roads of my city. He drove closer trying to cut my cab off at regular intervals looking at me. Driving the car by fixing your eyes on the girl in the next cab was a amazing thing to watch. He meant to do no stunts. He only meant that he would miss an opportunity to look at me. When I looked at him in the beginning with a smile, he looked shell shocked. Then again when our cars met, I looked at him once again the reaction stayed the same. Then he matched his car's pace with my cab. It was a roller coaster ride.
This fun game turned into a crazy chase that freaked me out or would say gave me a wake up call. He tried to stop my cab. He gave me insane looks. Sort of hunted me down till (I guess) I disappeared in my lane. "What a freak" I said to myself. He chased me as if I was a hunt and that he would die out of hunger if didn't get his prey. Sounds YUCKY!! YES and also like a teenager's dream man (delusional teenager actually)
But then I remembered the only time he had taken-off his sunglasses to look into the rare view mirror. I saw his eyes, they were deep, placid but pure. During my acting classes, whenever I was asked to enact romantic scenes the biggest turn-off for me were the eyes of my co-actors. They were usually desperate, full of greed and never pure. They were and were going to remain clueless about the pious feeling of "love".
Nevertheless, his eyes were different. They were oceanic and peaceful covering deep emotions that refused to show on the surface. A secretive heart that was afraid of getting exposed and being vulnerable. Through his silence he spoke a million words. Through his astonishment I learnt that there were not many pleasant love encounters that he had in his past. He was aware that a brattish boy like himself would be of no use to a intellectually inclined girl like me. At the same time, he was willing to accept my interest if I was willing to take the "risk". Risk he was, risk he is but it is worth the gamble.
So, on getting back home and narrating the story to my sister. She seemed bewildered and amazed to learn that a non-entity like him has a great caliber to make it big. In a short period of time, she learnt that I was right. He rose like a phoenix from ashes to great heights.
To my surprise, I saw him again some months back. I thought that I was imagining. Then my sister saw him the next day near my lane. What purpose did he have? That was a question that came to my mind. It has happened several times from then. I know he comes here for work but there is nothing in my lane that "works" for him.
While the original affair has been more than a year old now, these pacifying incidents don't really lead to any concrete conclusions. So, the thought of breaking "the chain" that the devil seems to have tied me with comes very often in my mind. I feel the pull, the need to forgive him for not noticing me twice. Although the distance was too much between us the wait has taken a toll on my emotional health.
The beauty and sheer joy that the lovers card offered no longer seems to be working for me. I think of excuses of cutting him off from my life still the thoughts stay. I wish, I pray that he doesn't meet anyone else or not even look at anyone other than me. But is this actually possible? Why not, if it works for me then why not for him? Then I rethink about the definition of "love". The ace of cups comes to my mind.
If you give love freely then the love comes back 3 times to you. But when you give, do so selflessly. There is a pure joy in loving someone. Feeling happy for someone comes with its own benefits. First, it flushes out negativity from your body. Second, it fills your heart with happiness and third makes your approach positive towards life. The last being the most wonderful, it invites success as a reward to your kindness.
So, loving someone who may not be conventionally my dream boy. He might be a mix of the knight of swords with wands and water. Blazing air with blazing emotions, however, he is somebody worthy of my love. I am grateful to god that I have the capacity to love someone by breaking the devils chains of obsession and inviting the positive qualities of the angel from the lovers card.
Therefore, love is actually a divine gift not a devil's curse!