There are many takes on abusive asteroids. There is a scare about Nessus that if conjuncts your natal planet, angle or node then the person becomes abusive. When you think of abuse it can be plain abuse which is either physical, mental or emotional nature. Abuse is for the sake of abuse. It has no feelings or emotions attached to it. It is pure abuse. You can never glorify or think about it in any positive way. Planets tell you about the real picture of the nature and intensity of abuse. House placements and angles tell you about the place where it will take place. Nodes tell you the motivation behind abuse.
But asteroids tell you exactly who will abuse and how. No matter how strange it sounds but asteroids can actually nail the thing. There are two asteroids namely Nessus and Nemesis who are known as "abusive". But there is a significant difference in their nature. Most of the times the confusion between their natures can lead to a wrong conclusion. You can stay in a relationship plagued with Nemesis assuming that it is the "possessive streak". At other times, you can reject the advances of "Nessus" considering it to be direct abuse. So, what is the difference? Who is better? To speak so, none. However, you need to know the difference to handle the energy of each.
My observation led me to research on Nessus who is the evil man who raped Dejanira who was the lover of Hercules. Nessus was obsessed by the desire to have Dejanira and he couldn't control himself. He manipulated Dejanira when Hercules attacked him to put his bloody clothes on him so that he could love her forever. However, when she put his clothes on Hercules, it led to his death. Therefore, Nessus in your chart is the "incessant desire". It is obsession of willing to have things at all costs. Nessus won't give the person he desires to anyone else even if he cannot have her himself. In fact, Nessus is anything that we want beyond control and are willing to go to any lengths to get it. So, wherever he is in your chart, it is your lowest point. The sign he falls in shows how you desire incessantly and the house tells you what exactly is your incessant desire. When he conjuncts your personal planets, he highlights your incessant qualities pertaining to that planet. It is same for the house rulers and angles. In synastry, when he conjuncts/opposes the other person's personal planets and house rulers he is activating himself. Nessus will want the moon, sun, mars, venus, saturn, jupiter, pluto, uranus, neptune incessantly. His conjunctions to the angles will show his deep obsession and interest of the angle person concerning the quality of the angle.
If he conjuncts Dejanira then he will want her incessantly. She will be his victim. A person who has a strong nessus in his chart is not necessary an incessant person. He becomes when it is touched.
I was confused as I have mentioned above who was the real abuser. I understood that Nessus was our deepest and uncontrolled incessant desire. So, he is an abuser with a motivation. Therefore, that is actually more of a captivational abuse and not a plain abuse. Although, it doesn't glorify him but Nemesis more the enemy than what I would accuse Nessus of being. I will cite an example for it. I know somebody was regularly beaten'up in school right from the tender age of 6 to 10 yrs. The boy who hit her was a bully. He was the friend of the grandson of the man who was one of the owners of the school. You can take example of Draco Malfoy to Hermoine Granger. I tried to search for Nessus aspects from his side to check for the "Abuse" coming from him to her. She has dejanira conjunct moon natally. So, you can see that "victim" part is very much there.
However, he had no Nessus aspect other than a "Nessus trine Dejanira" aspect. Both of them were born the same year and Nessus moves very slowly. So, she has Nessus trine Dejanira natally as well. Now, here, comes the interesting part. She has her Nemesis in Capricorn and the boy was a Sun in Capricorn. She never has a good relationship with Capricorns (men) and finds it problematic as she is a Capricorn descendant.
Nevertheless, the most interesting part is that Capricorn boy has his Nemesis in Sag which conjuncts her Moon/Dejanira. Now, you see "pure abuse". Draco Malfoy does not have incessant desire for Hermoine. He purely hates her out of a feeling of superiority. Therefore, he is Nemesis and not Nessus.